The time has changed, the circle has shrunk, many a stories were forgotten, many a mistakes were forgiven. New challenges were accepted, new promises were made. I had a good year, at least towards the second half. Its time to continue life by that small list of 10 must dos. 

First one is on my weaknesses and overcoming them. Three of my biggest weaknesses: Sweet, Internet, and Mall outings - these must go. I am not proud of this part of me. I have wasted much of life's precious time over these. 

Second one is on fitness. I will run everyday. Will gym some days.

Third one is on studies. I will become a serious student. Sounds tough, almost undoable. But lets see if I can manage this one. 

Fourth one is on planning. I will plan more. I will stop living the haphazard life of a teenager. I will save money, plan my research, stay at home without getting restless, not flinch on mention of the word responsible. 

Fifth one is on soul searching. There been a bit of alignment problem is my life for the past few years. I need to sort it out. I need to drop the pointless arrogance  an self-obsessed nothingness. This one will be extremely tough. I have never been successful at it so far. But this time if I dont, I may as well never will. So yes, this is the time to change!  

This space has grown dear to me. I find some peace here. I have got to know new and exciting people, stories and life lessons. I empty my head here, pour my heart here. I have become stronger. I do not write for others to read the content of this space, I have started writing for myself. 

So 2012, bring it on! 

To all who come here, bump into here, who matter, who are dear - Happy New Year! Have a great year :)

But then I think, this year too was full of the cliches that have been part of my life - like I am wiser, I am not thinner, I am not richer, I am happier yada yada. Amidst these, there were a few high and low points that dont mix with the blur of everyday life gone by. 

I will start with the most significant one. If you read 'Two States', you may recall there was a section where the guy gets the lesson of his lifetime, on his relationship with his parents, and wants to sleep peacefully between them. It might have seemed weird, it did seem weird to me. Until it happened to me. My wise ex-friend had told me parents are the only people who truly love me unselfishly, the sooner I make peace with them, the better it is. I did agree, afterall he is very wise and all. But I could not make peace. I have always been the rebel in the family and continued to be.....needless to say at some point I finally realized how much I have misunderstood my parent, how much I have colored them in my opinions, how much I have always been unreasonable with them. Surprisingly, or not so surprisingly, once more they have accepted their rebel child as she is and have surprised me :) This only increases my conviction that if being parent requires such sacrifices, I will be the lousiest one!

The second, the other significant - My journey with Gem changes route once more. This time it is destination wedding! Mission Impossible accomplished. The less I talk about it the better it is for my own sanity. Our next curiosity is to see how much life will change after marriage, and how much we will change. Some days I wish I would completely change, and like my most other wishes I know it just is not happening. 

The third, I have realized I am generally happy. I do crib how unhappy I am, how unfair my life is, I cry to the pillow and sleep for hours in the headache afterwards. Such days are on the count of my fingers. Otherwise, I do smile most of the times, I chase happiness quite successfully - in nature, in malls, in food, in books, in music, in phone calls, in sardar jokes, in travel, in mornings and in moon, in Gem's smile and in the last gulp of water I drink before I slip inside the blanket. 

The fourth, going abroad is overrated! I am not arguing anything on it. But having part of your families in different parts of the world is positively sad, if you are attached to them. We talk over phone, see each other through videochat, and we wonder what is it we are running after that has taken us so far from each other? I could still feel how three of us fought over the same blanket that each wanted to themselves, the same new storybook that each wanted to read first. Somedays when I come back to room after a tiring day, I unknowing start asking for my brother to make tea and realize he is thousands of miles away. When I talk to my sister over phone I sense the unhappiness around her and in spite of wanting to ask whats wrong, I just try to cheer her by saying some lame old joke. Then I say damn job, damn career, damn good life partner. I just want my folks with me.

The fifth, friendship is overrated too! Happy is the person, who has no friends but only a soft toy called Hobbes :) Strange how I can say this. But at this point in my life I feel I am done with being friends. Eventually everyone gets busy with their own lives, their life partners, kids, EMIs and promotions. People with whom  we share some of the most significant times at some point do become mere duty or even burden. Now my big days are not their big days, their happiness is not my happiness, their pain and my pain better left unshared with each other. Life goes on. This is for the good ones. Then there are many not-so-good-ones. They teach me great lessons of my life, and make me wiser. So there I cant really complain, can I?

The sixth, the PhD kolaveri is so not overrated. It churns you, it sucks your blood, it tests you and your every freaking bone and muscle every second. This is even before I start the real PhD. Student life is tough. You make plans, you cancel them anyways because there is some rescheduling of classes. You book tickets for home, but cant go as some submissions are still due. You really want to sleep 6 hours on some days, but you will have to wait for the end term week to pass. You find a research issue, you own it, you grow it within you and grow with it every moment. You become a mad professor at the end. period. 

The seventh, money cant buy you a lot of things in life and no, I do not want to die in a ferrari. Some of the most beautiful moments of my life was when I had limited means. But I still worry over money at times. Unlike Gem who thinks if you need money you can get it anyways. But once you stop needing it, you taste freedom. Yesterday I was looking at the dramatic pink and blue streaks in the sky at sunset and the light breeze trying to tangle my hair, and felt sad for those who were caged inside cubicles earning their monthly credit card bills. That was just a day. They can feel sad for me when I have submissions due. Anyone will feel sad for me on those days. 

The eighth, I cannot be disciplined, I shall not be disciplined. Diet plans will become extinct, procrastination will rule my life, room will be a few bundles of dustbin-worthy stuff, nothing will be found in time or done on time, thought of well or planned ahead. Randomness rules. Until the time when the familiar sadness form shadow on Gem's face. Those days I make silent promises to myself to change. Next day morning I get up without any memory of the previous day and a bunch of wild ideas to pass the day. Cycle repeats. 

The ninth, the ugliness. I have been selfish, I have been unforgiving, I have been unreasonable. I have wished  for things that I may not deserve and have shed tear over it. I have judged people without any rights whatsoever. I have played tit-for-tat. I have gossiped. I have been greedy, been arrogant, been stubborn. I have stopped and asked myself what I am doing? I have forced myself to see my face in the mirror at times. But that is only at times. In this process, I have realized it is difficult for me to be nice when I am drowned in ugliness. I could do good only when I had goodness in my life. But not everyone is like me. There are people who are genuine and nice. Who are unlike me. They are few, they are rare, but they do exist. I would like to become one such.

The tenth, the finale: I would like to do so much and be so much more. I would like to learn how to clear the fuzziness around  me and practice how to be brave to face a whole lot of days that I wish would never come. I am a little tired of this cowardly life. I want to make a good life for me, for those who matter to me, and for many who may not matter. Right now I dont know what to do and how to do. But I will figure out a way if I keep trying.

I like making lists of 10. Nice good number. I have a few more, but lets just stick to a list of ten. It was a good year, a very good one for me. At least it looks like that, in the end. 

I an a fan of 'New Year.' For me it truly is beginning of a new time, new promises, new chances. I do not party on 31st night. I celebrate the past 365 days, but quietly....and wait for the morning of another year to greet me. 

My idea of day is when the sun rises. So its the next day and not the 12 am that I count. And for every year, on new year morning I plan something. Something that makes sense to me, a good way of saying hello to the year. Sensible to me, arbit random stuff indeed. Like watching the first sun of the year rise, or like painting a rainbow, like sleeping without an alarm, like making mental menus for many more days to come, mostly doing something new and refreshing. 

This time, my plan to greet the new year was by running one full round of the campus. That was my target when I started running in September. That was the qualifier for my Leh Ladakh trip. I had planned on 1st morning, I will run with Gem, others may join if they wish, and I had imagined a thousand time how I will feel after completing a round, what will be Gem's reaction etc etc. Then suddenly the thought struck me what if I cant run on that day? What I doubt I may not be able to do, I just do it once to check which way the doubt should go. So today morning all of a sudden I felt I just have to run. My morning today was at 11am, but with such serious doubts killing you inside, who cares what the world think of me. So I ran. In the sunny patches, under tree shadows, making crunching noise running over dry autumn leaves. In those old shoes, I hate those shoes. And in less than a minute of my estimated time, a lot more exhausted than my estimated exhaustion, I FINISHED!

It was not a wow moment. Somehow when I started today, I knew I will do it. Its like how my sixth sense works most of the times. But when I finished I smiled heartily to the trees and to myself. 

I thought okay now that I have done it let me keep quiet and let Gem discover it only on new year. 

Then I went home with loads of grocery and vegetables and chicken and started cooking and humming and did not do a good job disguising my happiness. It took only 5 minutes for Gem to guess what could have happened. My lack of emotion was filled rightly by his with his signature lines "pattha singh, there is nothing you cannot and do not do once you set your heart to it." Babu was asking what I have set my heart to, running the round, or Leh Ladakh trip, or (with a wink) mera bhaiya? Answer was not needed, but I had to say: chicken biriyani! ready in next 10 minutes :)

Economists swear by price theory. Psychologists talk about escalation of commitment. Sociologists talk about relational exchange. Mathematicians say both sides of equation must match. I say we lived through a bit of all of this. It took us a little over eight years, three grand proposals from him, two from me, a lot of forced faith, a lot of cultured faith, and even more of inherent faith in this relationship to take to the wedding stage. 

What I, him, and many others thought would never happen is going to happen. Gem and Melee shall be married soon. To each other. That is the best part of the story. :)

People ask me whats our story. How it all happened. I am never sure what to say. I dont want to bore the audience who is expecting some mushy juicy account of love and dream and what not. Our story is long, as boring as real life gets, as trying and sad and tough as we live life everyday. So I tell them, hmmm it just happened...strengthened over time, lets see where life takes us etc etc etc. Those who know me and him, know most of this story....those who dont know us, the story is really a long and boring one. I am not writing down the whole story, thats just too much to write. But today I am in the mood to relive that past of mine :)

The morale of the story comes first. That love is the plainest blank canvas I have ever known. There is nothing, absolutely nothing in it. You color it the way you want. Depending on that it become grand, priceless, eternal. Or worthless, self-inflicted pain. Or something regular, casual, everyday thing. 

Now the story. Rather, a bit of the stories. 

Eight and half year back, I was a different me. I was happier, zestier, crazier. I thought I can hold the world in my fist. I had everything I wanted from my life. I thought so. 

Then I met him. I did not know that I have met him. But I am assuming we must have met since we were in the same class. The class was small, we all stayed in the same place 24*7, we all met each other. But I didnt know who he was. He was nothing special that will make him stand out in a crowd in which everyone is busy making a place for themselves. 

Gradually I became aware of his existence. Opposites attract. We were opposites, we have always been. I was impressed. I liked him. What I did not know that he liked me much more. We started talking to each other. Two or three lines a day. A few more exchanges in next few days defined what became our future. 

Eight and half year back, he was a different him. He never thought about a partner for life, about love, about anything other than studies and family. People as naive as him should not have trodden the dangerous lines of love. But I guess love does not spare anyone. This time, first time in his life, he wanted something, rather someone, for himself. He forgot the rest. He told me all about it. That was beginning of a very complicated life. I was sure I dont love him that way. But what was creating so much discomfort in me then. It took long time to figure out. It took more than six months for me to accept in my heart that he is the one. Actually it took more than just time. But he seemed worth letting go everything else. I countered every doubt in myself, convinced every bit of myself to embrace the new life. I left everything on the way. Everything many sound exaggeration, but there is no other word for what I had bargained for at that time. It was a difficult time of my life, with many difficult decisions. But when it happened, it happened in two minutes. During this time when I was not sure about anything at all, one day I saw him smile, and I knew this is what gives me happiness. Seeing him happy is what makes me happy. Then everything suddenly became simple. And that was start of a relation which I had never known, heard, read, felt before. 

But then that was a different time, different space. Reality does hit you sooner or later. and it did. He thought we should not make so many people unhappy just so that we can be together. No reasoning would work with me, for I had convinced every bit of mine with every counter arguments. And it went on and on and on for years. I saw him torn between love and duty. I failed myself in making him happy, I could not let go of him. I became selfish. Every good thing that made the bond between us turned sour. Years passed. Life did not move on. We dont know what was in that relationship, we kept coming back to each other no matter how hard we tried otherwise. 

When we were leaving for our jobs after convocation, we did not know what future has in store for us. Gem had said that it was just the end of one journey and the wings will try to reunite once more. When we saw each other after four long years I realized the truth in his lines. By then we had tried our very best to live without the other person. And we had failed. Once you have tasted the best, you dont want to settle with the second best. Between me and him, everything had come naturally. The undeniable attraction, the effortless respect, the unconditional trust, mutual support, everything that binds hearts and lives. No matter how we had struggled otherwise. Then at some point we decided to be wiser, to be together, and see what future has in store. 

This was beginning of another trial. Four years of staying apart, four years of depression and unconnected routes of life can change people. We were trying to figure out what is going on with us. We fought. We were bitter. There were times this togetherness looked shallow and meaningless. We still had time and option to part our ways and life could have moved on. But it did not. We did not. A few months of time, some effort from me, some from him, everything started falling into place. It was then we realized we are actually made for each other. quite literally. And we had seen and been through pretty tough tests. The bond lasted, the love survived, we continued walking together. 

I have not lived life long enough. But I have been tired. Tired of a long journey, where detours are frequent, where uncertainties are certain, path is winding and uphill, there probably is no end. The only good part of it is the hand-in-hand walking. 

When neither the chain nor the freedom really could change anything between us, when it was just too clear that no matter what great thing either of us are offered we will still choose each other as the first and last thing we ever wanted, we realized a wedding is a ritual that can be performed to make a few social arrangements. 

So here we are now. Planning a wedding. Well the only planning we have done so far is to buy a notebook and pen and few google docs where planning will be done. It is a weird experience actually. A good friend of mine says I am not being excited at all about my own wedding. I suppose I can call her up to say the excitement has all begin :) 

 

If you liked Sherlock Holmes, you would swear by the power of 'observation', no? Well I do. And I have observed something. No no not related to strategy and firm competitiveness. Its about the dogs. Not even the dog in dog-cashcow-star-questionmark. Its our regular dogs,Whitey and Ramlal. 

Ramlal is actually a female one, why such name then? We thought if punjabis can name their daughter gurpreet, navneet, rajpreet, puneet...then why not our Ramlal - the very example of a truly liberated female life. 

Coming back to the observation, now that you have seen them both, do you notice something? Its okay even if you did not, its not that apparent in photos. It is their nature. Whitey is the calm, gentle, patient one. Ramlal is agile, active, aggressive. They are both affectionate, but their ways of showing it is different. Whitey comes and makes gentle noise asking for attention. Ramlal comes quietly and starts licking hands. They both will look at you intently...but the looks are different. Ramlal loves to jump and stay half standing with front paws on your freshly laundered shirt. Whitey comes and stands as close to you as he think is non-scary for you and looks lovingly, nicely. 

I had said about some observation at the very beginning of this post. Now I can make my point. The point is its only a matter of coincidence that I am like Ramlal, Gem is like Whitey. Strikingly true. But I emphasize, it is coincidence only. 

I am a horrible singer. You may think I am being humble (which I am never) you would revise your opinion when you hear me sing. The only person I know who sings as bad as me is my friend, Shilpi. Fully knowing my singing abilities, I am never reluctant to sing, either in private, or in front of Shilpi. I control my urge to sing in other's presence. This urge to sing, I feel very often....more so if I am listening to music. 

I was listening to "tere khushboo mein base khat" after a long long time. A song as beautiful and romantic as that is bound to make one sing along. Who can stop me really! And I am happily humming and singing and waiting for my absolute favorite lines which comes at the very end, "tere khat aaj mein Ganga mein baha aya hoon; aag bahte hue paani mein lagaa aya hoon". I could sense that ultimate satisfaction of having sang all these lines with all my emotions dipped in romantic nostalgia and not to mention my best effort to sing it well. May be it was not going too well, or the lines must have raised some sentiment in Gem as well. He decides this has to stop. So he says: "Kaunse khat ke baare mein bol rahi ho? Total 3 hi khat likhe tumne mujhe, saare woh black attache ka first cover mein rakha hua hai.Ab kuch kaam bhi karlo." 

Thus I was brought back to reality. And I have started working. Looks like strategist's perspectives on organizational learning is more important at this point of time than fusing over old letters.

Rarely I like songs just for the music or melody in it. More often than not it is the lyrics that I judge by. I am musically challenged, but I can appreciate poetry. Anyway this build up was to say that I am absolutely in love with 'Sadda Haq'. It is the song of the century. Here I go beyond lyrics. The slow deliberation, the pain, the angst, the frustration, and the damn-it attitude - it has got it all to win my heart.
I am a quasi-freedom seeker, so naturally I loved "marzi se jeene ki bhi main kya tum sabko arzi doon" and "mann se jeena ya marjaana...." Actually the only thing I havent done so far is to write down the lines from this song and put it up on my wall. No, dont worry, I did that only 10 years back....now I have developed more sophisticated taste and put only poetry of Robert Frost and Vikram Seth and Pablo Neruda. Quotes and verses about love (my fav topic), pain in love (even more fav!), people (yeah I like to hate them all on some days), the world and it ways (we all had enough of it, no?), and mostly about individuality, liberty, and freedom, living by moments and living to the fullest.  So I was thinking may be "mann se jeena ya marjaana...." does deserve the merit to be pasted along with its sophisticated anglo cousins. 
Gem derives at least half of his life's amusement from  my deliberations...so upon knowing this one his face suddenly brightened and he says: know what! I found the perfect name for you :) Hence forth you shall be known to me as Mann-ki or Monkey. The argument being I am anyway more of a monkey than human, and I love doing my Mann-ki. 

Being over-weight is a sad business. 

A friend says she doesnt know what it is like to be thin, she has always been the chubby kid, the plump teenager,and now this obese woman. Does that make things easier? I am not sure. 

But one thing I am sure is if plumpness was not so much a part of identity all the time, its not easy to deal with when it happens. 

It does affect your work, life, the way you look, the way people assess you, treat you. It does affect your clothing choices, food options. It affects your health. And yes, your self-esteem too. 

I will be honest. Trying a pair of jeans and realizing you need one size bigger has been painful. The way some would look at me or think of me has not been so painful. On the beach yet not able to run into it has been painful. The stupidity of knowing a few men who wanted to marry a 'slim' girl has not been painful. A small trek at Kodaikanal was very painful. My parents' expression on their daughter's 'weight-issue' was never painful. 

May be this is why I never tried hard enough to do anything about this problem, except a lot of stress-eating and being more and more lazy. To reduce it called for massive effort, self-determination, and some motivation. I could not find any...rather did not try to find. My problem is I never think too much about what I should actually be thinking. 

One day a friend gifted me weighing scales. I never used it except to weigh baggage. When I think back, I realize irrespective of the person she is, she must have loved me so much and cared so much. My brother was the other person who cared. He had never seen 6am until then, but for two months religiously took me to the gym and then the gym closed :D This was one good outcome of my weight gain. I learned to distinguish between who cares for me how much and in what ways. I also learned that love is blind enough to ignore weight. When I and Gem met after years, he had lost lots of hair and I had gained lots of weight. But we felt essentially we are still the same two made-for-each-other. Well we revised our opinions later, more on that later, but surely weight gain and hair loss was never the focus.  

Life continued as usual. Until a few months back when my brother-in-law started having blood sugar problem. Both my parents have this problem, I will have it soon. I want to eat sweets. I dont want to take insulin shots. I dont want to have heart problem. I dont want French airlines charging me extra for my weight. More than these, I want to go trekking with Gem, run with my dog, play with my kid, take part in a marathon, and generally remain active. I know to dream that I will become that unbeatable short distance sprinter is too much to expect, I may not even do horse-riding ever for rest of my life, I may not dare to take out my cycle to go travel within a town. That was past, I dont really mind keeping it as past only. The disturbing part came in realizing how easily I could do such activities, and how I took it for granted! Things that were way of life, have turned into impossibilities now. I dint like this life anymore. 

Thus the change started. I decided to open my eyes, stand on that scale, and buy health insurance for me. Stubborn people are difficult to deal with, they tend to listen only to themselves. A couple of months back, I ended up listening to myself. Its been one kind of struggle since then, a very difficult one. You will get what I mean, if you have been through it. Else you wont. However, I must admit that part of this struggle is also beautiful. A person's constant presence and encouragement, a strange sense of self-assurance and achievement, and of course the changes that come with it :) 

If you are thinking this is my weight loss story you are not quite right. I am all up for writing that too, but I am yet to lose that weight :D I stated writing this one as my 'weight-problem' post, because like the thousand other days I gave into the temptations of rice craving, late night sweet cravings and basically a lot of other anti-weight loss things. And I was depressed despite all that sugar surge. Writing all this helped me. Now at least I can sleep peacefully and dream about breakfast :D

In the very first audio track of Don2, Shahrukh says:

Does that sound more like the actor's come back and not just Don's? Oh yes, to me it does :) 

Okay, I admit that I have lost all excitement and stopped watching bollywood movies, that Ranbir Kapoor has happily replaced Shahrukh for me. But then why am I so excited with Don2 trailer and music. And why did I not watch Rockstar? May be I just wanted to avoid the stone-faced Nargis Fakri :D

After what it seems like ages, I want to go watch a hindi movie in the theater. So Don2 better be impressive. 

On the music, its not really good music by whatever standard. But strangely, it does give me quintessential bollywood feel, I cant explain what it is. So I have been humming it for days now. And thinking why would anyone want to replace Shaan by KK! I dont mind KK, but he cant say "bahut hi khatarnaak hoon mein" as Shaan can! :D :D Lara Dutta does look gorgeous! and I have learned to tolerate Priyanka Chopra too. On Shahrukh, he is good at being the bad guy I suppose. One can see the glint in his eyes and the shadows of reckless and suave murderer in his expressions. 

This is one movie I can pre-book and hope to enjoy no matter what crap will follow :D But if it turns out like ZNMD, then I will not watch a single hindi movie in 2012. 

The breezy conversation progressed to an involved discussion of wishlists. I was my usual excited self, listing out the many 'to-do's of my life. How I wanted to do 'around the world' in anticlockwise, starting with Nepal and ending with Pakistan. Being shamelessly ambitious the plan includes Australia and Antarctica as well. To this Gem says, "difficult, very difficult, but doable." 

With the encouragement, I unfold my next wishes: to own a quaint little bungalow in the hills, with a library of my own and a cozy chair by the fireplace. I can read, see sunset and walk in the woods noticing the blooms. To this Gem says, "we will have to earn some good amount of money for this. and lots of time too. but if there is will, there is a way! so we can do it."

Then I go on and share with him how I always wanted to go on a painting holiday in Europe with these groups of painters to the countryside of Tuscany, and cities in Spain, and rivers across central and eastern Europe...and paint the whole experience. Well, I am not a painter who can actually paint all this, but I want to have that experience. To this Gem says, "Yes you can paint! A little practice is all thats needed. This one is easy, can be fulfilled, and can be included in next five-year-plan." 

He asks me if I have any other wishlists. I promptly tell him how I want to own a super nice kitchen, with all kinds of nice cutlery and utensils and cooking stuff and a windowsill where I can keep three little green plants, and a small table with two chairs where we can sit and chat. 

As this conversation deepened, I realized that I also wanted a small house with a big garden, a house with different rooms decorated in different themes, a telephoto lens, an art studio of my own, to teach at least once in IIM Ahmadabad and IRMA, to learn pottery, to be able to do everything for my parents that a son is supposed to do in our society, to own a Hobbes soft toy, to watch all the planets from some observatory/lab, and gradually I came down to my most basic wishes, which are just three, the three wishes that I have since I started having any solid wishlist, the three basic priorities of my life: Gem, PhD, Weight-loss - very much in that order. After this there was silence.    

By the time we had all these talks we had walked more than a round. I asked Gem what about his wishlists? To which he just says he is not into making wishes blah blah. But upon my threat he slowly opens up. And he says he has four wishes which goes like this:

1. To be useful and helpful to his family, my family, his extended family, and some kind of social service for his home land, Bihar. 

2. To have occasional fun with me by doing usual entertainment like a movie with popcorn, or a nice dinner, or a long walk together. 

3. To dance with me, slowly and for a very long time. 

4. To never let me feel lonely..being my support when I get stressed, and helpless, and sad, and dejected, to be able to share my work burden, and to see me happy.

There is silence again. This time its longer....much longer...like an unbreakable silence. I wish I had let him speak first. I realize how I have made my life revolve around I-Me-Myself, and how he lives for me and for the others who he loves. I have been busy building a separate life, not including him. Between the two of us, I always suspect I am the one who is less loving, less caring, less dedicated. He tries too hard to cheer me up. I will take time, as I have realized how guilty I have been. 

Six email requests to this guy about this, yet he doesnt mind his financial information being shared with a stranger. Strange guy actually!

Now that I have finished the 30 day photo challenge, I can give the camera some rest. I can give myself some rest. But I want to write about my experience of this 30 day thing. So I will give the camera break, but not to the blog :D

Here is the recap!

The list is prepared by some self-obsessed narcissist person with a lot of my, my, and my. But there are nice topics as well! For me easiest to click was day 14: Flowers; toughest was Day 1: Self-portrait. The one I enjoyed the most was Day 15: My Shoes. I wish I had done better on Day 30, Day 28, Day 12, Day 21, Day 3, ...oh never mind this will be a long list.

Now I have at least 50 clicks that I like, that I would have never got unless I picked this random tag from internet. I am glad I did. My friend Vee says I should pick 12 photos and make a calendar for 2012. Sounds fun!

It was fun at times, drag at times. For someone like me who loves novelty, it was great fun initially. Later, the routine-hater in me protested.....I made excuses, I skipped days. However, I wanted to complete 30 clicks. So I did.  Yay.

I did not learn anything technical about photography. Yet there was so much learning. I accepted the 2kg ugly black thing on my neck. Ugly as it may be, it can produce the prettiest things of the world. 

I fought the temptation to post old pictures that I liked better or were easier to finish the challenge. But except in 2 cases, I got over my temptation. Knowing me, this  is huge deal!!

I re-realized that the only kind of photography I like the most is food photography. In all the cases I ATE what I clicked, I am not sure how will I feel if I have to just click and walk away. 

Landscape mode is the dominant mode in my click. My heart, mind, eyes are in sync with landscape. Someday I will graduate to portrait mode, hopefully!

Doing anything each day for 30 day is a real pain. But once you finish it, it feels great! When I said this to a friend, he promptly asked if I want to try a 30 days of 'No Sweet' challenge. There is really no need to write my reaction, or my action thereafter. 

My plan was to ask Gem and Shailen to play a tennis match, or football, or throw-ball, or anything at all, or simply run...so that I can click in motion. This is not easy plan, let me tell you...if you knew them both, you would know what I mean. Only I like the camera, no one else does. No one will let me click anything good :|

Then I saw this kid. He and his ball were very much 'in motion' :D

Okay, I agree, this was a bit force-fitted. But I had to introduce Whitey. And whats with topics like 'Daily routine'!!! Photography itself has become a daily routine these days.....

This is one look of the campus at night I like. It looks almost magical, the faint lights, the unknown struggles that goes behind these curtains, and the the way these lights glow until sun fades them out. 

Like the city, a part of this campus, never sleeps.

Here is a page from the book. I picked this page randomly and clicked. Read it and was convinced that EACH page in this book is equally fun and nice to read. 

Day 24 subject was "a Smile", I have been convincing people to smile for my camera. It seems 'smiles cost nothing' is not really true. Oh, frustration!

Then the day 25 topic was "sunflare" and since that morning till today morning sun was not to be seen anywhere in iimb. So what do I do? I delay my clicks. I be lazy. I spend time doing this and that. THen few days later, there is sun! So, as I have always said: I procrastinate, but eventually I do it. I do it! past the doubts, scorns, and reminders. Trust me. 

I am not good with potraits, street photography, people photography. Just like in painting, I can paint only asymmetric things, while clicking I can click only non-human and/or non-living things. So no close-up smile for you. 

This is my frog prince smiling ear-to-ear. 

The reality of this frog prince is he is a pencil sharpener. The history of the prince is he was brought home from Hypercity by Gem as a gift to me. I like the sincerity in Frog Prince's smile, and do sharpen pencils with it.