Do you believe that life can change in seconds? I have never! What I have seen and realized that changes do not come in discrete packages, suddenly, without mine having any inkling. Sure changes have taken me by surprise for a minute or two before things sink in. Sure I have been swept off my feet. But only because I was unprepared, or I refused to see things without tinted glasses. 

Reality is often much more painful than dreams. It comes slowly, crouching or crashing, and you kind of feel it and realize it fully, at least partly. You have built up expectations, and then the good news comes. Once that has become reality, it all seems assuring. But days and days before, you had hoped for that job offer, promotion, good results, that relation working out, that dream coming true. You had wanted it badly, you ad imagined what if it happens, what if it does not. Similarly, when the dark days come, they come with some prior ominous signals. You take time to accept it, you take a hell lot of time to see beyond 'why me!'. But sooner or later you shrug off, learn the ways of the world, take things as they come. The surprise surprise actually stays for a moment. Of course the more unprepared you are, the more room you have to be surprised. This is wise me saying. But does life actually go like this? Not quite!

Okay whats the point of writing all this? The point is for all I say, I have been suddenly taken by surprise by some silly little incident.  

I can literally divide the last eight and half years into two - when I knew I am going married to Gem, and when I knew its not happening. For past two months things have been much more certain as the venue is booked, rings are bought, families have met, tickets are booked, invitations have been sent, wishes are being received every now and then. So we know we are getting married. 

Two days back when Gem and I were shopping together for his sherwani etc., he came out of the trial room  in a sherwani pagdi joota avatar, and I was literally swept off my feet....not because he looked good or anything, because its at that precise moment the thought hit me that here is my groom! Like a stupid teenage girl I fell in love with him all over again. 

I should also add that this feeling stayed only for a fleeting moment. Quickly the other reality returned and we started arguing over what to get and what not to - a state where I felt more assured and comfortable than the a-h-a state!